I’ve been reading mid-19th century/Civil war non fiction for about…7 going on 8 years now. Little did I know picking up Tony Horowitz’s Confederates in the Attic, would consume my mind like nothing else. And that’s good for me because otherwise my mind would just whirr out of control.

Sometimes I’ll go a few months without reading or watching anything Civil War related, but, “Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in.”

Also, I feel if you don’t know this history of the United State of America, then you fall prey to just about anything. (e.g. voting for Donald Trump for President of the United States}

After years of reading books about and watching documentaries & series about the Civil War, I feel like I’m seeing a lot of the things that caused Civil War the first time around.

For the most part, disaffected white males that see their hegemony fading.

(I’m putting a pin in the racism argument)

Slavery was profitable. Slaves in 1860 were worth around $1 billion dollars. No one wants to swallow that kind of hit. The South also watched its hegemony over the Presidency slide away with Lincoln’s election.

I see a lot of these “otherings” going on.

Instead of former slaves coming to drive down the cost of labor for the white man. Its now the ” ‘Mexican illegals’ coming to take our jobs” or “sitting around on welfare.” OR “we need law & order when ‘thugs’ (i.e. an unarmed black man, woman or child) gets shot by law enforcement because the officer  “feared for her or his life”OR “Radical Islamists”.

Its “us” vs “them”.” Them”=everyone else in the United State of America that is not a white male, possibly wealthy.

The rights that Thomas Jefferson wrote were given to us by The Creator had to have legal action for “them” to get access. Whether that’s to vote, to get an education, to have an abortion, to get married. “Them” had to sue. “Them” had to amend the Constitution.

Yet again, these disaffected white males see the hand writing on the wall. Their hegemony is fading. Even over the Presidency. How horrible it will be to “those men” when Donald loses to Hillary.

You got beat by a girl!

I hope he chokes on it.


Official Give up

I am 42 years old today.

I thought for sure that I would be married with children and a white picket fence around my house by this age.


I’m not.

Yeah. So I give up. Surely if I were meant to be with someone, I should have met him by now, right?

So I give up. I’m just Forever Alone. I’ve made it this far by myself. It would be nice to have someone to go through life with and tell me things are going to be Ok when they go totally tits up.

But apparently, I don’t get that.

An update

Haven’t kept up on this blog in a while.

As the saying goes, Man proposes, G-d disposes. Moved into another living arrangement because my former roommate got physical with me and I wasn’t going to take that from anyone. Especially when I financially supported him and his children for two years.

I was working for an attorney but he was too anxiety inducing for me to continue working for him. I began working for a Financial Services company on November 8th.

2015 has been a rotten year. I’ll be glad when its over, but at least I have a new job and new roommates and a cruise to look forward to for January.

I’ve been reading, of course.Mainly Civil War non-fiction as per usual.

I finished Cokie Roberts’ Capital Dames. An excellent read about women and their role in Washington, DC.

I also finished Ronald C. White’s A. Lincoln. A must read for anyone interested in Abraham Lincoln. Also a recommend from the Civil War section on Goodreads.

I also finished Walther A. McDougall’s Throes of Democracy: The American Civil War Era 1829-1877. This one was intrigued me the most. All the technological, political, social and economic changes that were going on in the US simultaneously during this period would be enough to blow your mind. Add to that tumultuous mix, the slavery argument. It was a powder keg waiting to explode.

War like the Thunderbolt: The Battle and Burning of Atlanta

Very warm out today. Almost 75. Considering its been gray and overcast for the last few days. Its very nice.

I finished Catton’s Civil War Army of the Potomac trilogy, I’m now reading War like the Thunderbolt: The Battle and Burning of Atlanta by Russell Bonds.

This book is by a Southerner. An Atlantan to be exact. As a native Kansan (A”Yankee”) I find myself rolling my eyes at some of the things that Mr. Bonds says, because to me, they seem very pro-Confederate.

I do like the fact that Mr. Bonds includes pictures of many of the Union and Confederate generals. I like the maps. I try to read and then orient myself on the map so I can know where attacks began or ended. Hopefully all this Civil War knowledge will come to usefulness someday (other than battling on reddit). I should write a Civil War related script or book.

Bruce Catton’s Army of the Potomac

Though I managed to purchase Bruce Catton’s Army of the Potomac series last summer, I hadn’t made time to read it.

Since 2009, I’ve read MANY books on the Civil War. I’ve lost count in fact. I must say that this is one of the best written series of books that I’ve read.

I like Mr. Catton’s writing style and I also like how he provides bibliographical notes for each chapter AND also provides a bibliography of the primary source material.

I began reading the series.

The Army of the Potomac was plagued with incompetence and timid leadership. All the wasted lives, missed opportunities, lack of communication, 70%+ casualty rates,  and hubris [cough:George B. McClellan]were such a part of the Army of the Potomac. If one walks away with nothing else. You can take that to the bank.

In the 21st century, its incomprehensible the slaughter that these men inflicted on each other.

Same old same old here. Still attempting to keep my spirits up while searching for a new job.

At the best of times, I am beset with depression. This latest setback has me wondering about how I’ve conducted my life. Was it a good decision for me to get my Bachelor’s Degree since it hasn’t done anything for me? Should I have left my job in 2005 just because I couldn’t get on with my boss?

I look back and wonder if I’ve completely screwed up my life. I look at things and see that not much has changed for me since I first moved up here as a 19 year old college student in 1993. All my peers (people who I graduated high school with) are married and have families and homes and cars and 401(k)s.

I’m still single with no kids. I’m still renting. I’m still broke.

I don’t know how to change this situation that I find myself in.

The Customer Service Coordinator position went to someone else. As did the Account Clerk II.

I don’t feel encouraged today. I feel like I’ll be stuck in another dead end low wage job soon. I’ve been reading statistics and black women are not gaining anything jobs wise.

“African-American women are the only demographic in the United States whose unemployment rate has not improved over the past year, according to a National Women’s Law Center analysis of the latest jobs data…Recovery has been slow for all demographics, but black women are the only group that does not seem to be bouncing back at all, Entmacher said.”

Not encouraging for me at all.

Still on the job hunt

This week hasn’t been so great. I got sick Monday night and only today (Saturday) do I feel human again.

I did have an interview last Friday for a job as a Customer Service Coordinator. They asked for references and one of my references contacted me via FB to let me know that she’d been called.

On Monday, I also had an interview for an Account Clerk in the 3rd Judicial District. It was a panel interview and no matter what I said, one of the women just “ice grilled” me the whole time. (Ice grilled means showed no emotion one way or another when I answered her questions. )

While lying in bed anyway, I began to read Bruce Catton’s Army of the Potomac series. I finished Mr. Lincoln’s Army and am now 1/3 the way through Glory Road. I picked these books up a garage sale last summer.

Mr. Catton actually spent some of his childhood getting to know Civil War vets and has amazing perspective into these men that served their country in a way we can only dimly understand in the 21st century.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to put into words my interest in the Civil War. It has many facets.

More on the work front

The bookmoviemusicnerd is still unemployed but I feel hopeful. Its been less than a month afterall.

I have a few good leads on jobs. I’m working my LinkedIn contacts to get introduced to others that can help me find a job. I figure I have to do things differently because what I’ve done in the past hasn’t worked out in the long run.

I’m trying to get out of crappy hourly position and into something where my education and experience works for me.  I’d especially like an entry level legal position so I can get some legal experience.

New in the world

The bookmoviemusicnerd is now unemployed. I had a job that I really didn’t like but it helped pay the bills…poorly.

I was let go on President’s Day. I know its been less than 2 weeks, but I wish someone would call me about a job.

I feel like I’ve been limiting myself to jobs that work out well for me and the roommate and not really striving for jobs that my education and/or experience would say I should have.

I feel frustrated. I worked my butt off at my last few jobs only to watch the work dodgers and people that had been there less time get pay raises and promotions.

The roommate’s kids are really getting on my nerves today and I don’t feel good on top of it.